Fri, 2010-04-09 17:12
Methinks a corrections board needs to be put into place for all these to have their own tidy part of the Untold world without dirtying up product information.
Here are a few that caught my eye:
Mag'grin was submitted by Benraven, not Ben. http://www.untoldthegame.com/splintered-serenity/hp/maggrin
Two External Circumstances have been posted--one with the avatar and the other with the explanation of Fiction Friday, as seen on Fiction page 2: http://www.untoldthegame.com/ss/fiction?page=1
In Stalked Part 1, at the bottom in the last sentences it reads: "After a long moment of musing over the sullen drip of water echo in the round space..."/ I edited "echo" to "echoing"
Two paragraphs up in the same installment reads, "Yeah, but I gutted the nasty slobber-jaw with my blades, they took its entrails for a spin they wouldn’t forget."/ I altered "they took" to "took" to remove ambiguity between blades and entrails.
Line before that says, "He would’ve been pulverized if not for his secret amulet that he’d pawned off an all-too-gracious L'na." / I changed "pulverized" to "eviscerated" to remove poor word choice and redundant re-use of the verb [interpretive, I know, but preferred]
Sun, 2010-04-11 14:10
#2
Couple more corrections
From the Corruptor's quote under the Flux Horrors' faction page: Quote: "Soon the whole world shall be reborn in a batism of Flux!" / "batism" should be "baptism"
Above this, in the first paragraph of writing, it says, "Externals drawn to the instability and Horrors twisted by its vary nature call the region home." / "vary nature" should read "very nature"
last line of the same paragraph reads: "Only a few Churl tribes dare to cross the region and the NAU consider it forbidden territory, so no one has detailed information about how many Horrors infest the ever warping landscape, or what dire schemes they may be plotting." / first, "ever warping" should read "ever-warping"; also, sentence flow needs a break up of the run-on, something as follows: "Only a few Churl tribes dare to cross the region, and the NAU consider it forbidden territory; so no one has detailed information about how many Horrors infest the ever-warping landscape, or what dire schemes they may be plotting."
Ashy, let me know if you need someone to administrate grammatical edits to save time, as I'd rather not "pollute" Product Information with Batch Edits and the like--at least a thread based solely for site glitches, snags and such would wonderful. Thanks! :)
From "What is Splintered Serenity?" paragraph 3 line 1: "Now imagine an Event so unbelievably destructive that the barriers between these three dimensions and slams them together."/ "that the barriers between" needs either "breaks" or "shatters" or something similar inserted in the midst of "barriers" and "between."
What is Flux? in the quote section: "Twilight Farseeer" probably was meant to be "farseer" as seer is the English form of "see-er, one who sees (the beyond)".
Same section, first paragraph: "...due to two reasons: first, and quite simply, no one really knows what Flux is and second: the most we do know..."/ strange construction. Might want to revise with something like "first,....; and second,..."
In Flux Fronts first line: "also know as Flux Storms" should state "also known"
Following paragraph: "They can be massive, spanning entire continents or small and localized, only large enough to cover two or three individuals."/ insert a comma after "continents," to complete apositive phrase.
In North America paragraph 2: "the High-bred who make up the NAU have little choice but to join forces of perish from the ever-present threats around them."/ change "of" to "or" in "to join forces of perish"
Under the Appalachia & South Swamps paragraph: "Loosely aligned to familial clans, these Churl are the dominate force in the rugged foothills of the Appalachian mountain chains and the murky swamps beyond."/ "dominate force" should read "dominant force"
Later on: "Simple minded and superstitious"/ "simple minded" needs a hyphen "simple-minded"
In The Wilds paragraph two: "Mutations and altered creatures are common place in North America"/ "common place" needs to be revised to "commonplace"
Last line on page: "for none who have been fool-hearty enough to enter into the miles high wall"/ "miles high" hyphenates to "miles-high"
In Flux Horrors paragraph one: " so no one has detailed information about how many Horrors infest the ever warping landscape"/ "ever warping" should be hyphened "ever-warping"
Second paragraph: "Horrors have a number of options available to them - befitting their ever changing home and natures." similar thing "ever changing" to "ever-changing"